"For your maker is your husband-"

Jesus loves me. Jesus love ME! What? Why haven't I been able to comprehend that. I understand it but I haven't felt the love of being wooed, and that is because I filled that love with something else, or someone else.

Jesus is teaching me to wait on him. I am His bride! How amazing! It's funny that it has taken this much hurt and brokeness to get me there. But I know that God wants to build me from the bottom up.
Jesus has been running around me, trying to speak to me from all sides saying, "Mali, I am here, can't you see me? I won't hurt you? I won't break you.. my love for you is infinite and perfect! Nothing in this world compares! Why won't you turn to me? I want to hold you!"

So basically I feel as though I have been hurt. (Sure I have the right to feel that way.) In this secular world I would like to call someone up and confront all of the lies that I had been told. The false ideas of my future. That I feel like it is unfair that I have been hurt the same way multiple times. BUT that is not what I am called to do.

When I begin to look at my life and hurts in the eyes of the Lord, everything is flipped and perspective begins to change.

It's like this. Was it fair for Jesus to die on the cross. Absolutely not.
Do I have a righteous anger building inside of me? Possibly.. but God is so much more righteous than I am! How can I be upset about some petty thing. Something that doesn't matter at all. God has every single reason to be mad at me for the things that I have done, so even when I feel wronged it doesn't matter because .. I must still examine myself and see that I have no right to feel correct.. because God is so much more righteous..
? If that is making any sense. I begin to see how short I fall of anything when I compare myself to God, yet he loves me the same.

So this is it. I am turning to Jesus. I am done, I am done with the hopes, I am done with the what ifs of the future. I will not tolerate being told lies by people or the enemy. I am seeking God. I am not conforming to the world. The Lord has mighty plans for those who seek him and that is exactly what I plan to do. I am paying for an environment to pray! Yes, that is crazy. But you know what.. I can do more. Can I NOT DEVOTE A YEAR OF MY LIFE SET APART AND SANCTIFIED FOR MY SAVIOR?
Who died for me! (If someone on earth who I knew died for me I am pretty sure I would be changed and my life would be radically different and dedicating time and thanks and gratitude always. So basically when the GOD of the AGES and the universe dies for me can I not change even more radically for him?)

Basically It is all or nothing. I could miss all other idea's of what I am supposed to do, or who I am supposed to be, as long as I do not forget the FIRST and most important point in my life. That is to know my Lord, savior. His name is Jesus. If you don't know him spend time with him.

I know that if I spend time with him I will be completely content. I will not even care if I ever step foot into another relationship if that is what God is calling me to.

I speak truth into myself. I was bought at a price.
I am a princess of the most high God and I will demand to be treated with the utmost respect.
Jesus will be my Husband and I am his bride.
I will seek him and I will find him.
I want to dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life!
Isaiah 54:5-7
"For your maker is your husband-
the Lord Almighty is his name-
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
he is called the God of all the earth.

The Lord will call you back
as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit-
a wife who married young,
only to be rejected," says your God.

"For a brief moment I abandoned you,
but with deep compassion I will bring you back."

Ahh Jesus make this my hearts cry. Be my husband Lord, you will never leave me or forsake me. You are constant and Holy and everlasting and pure! How I should just weep for those who do not experience your love!

Jesus let me learn to experience your love in ways I have not been able to comprehend.

I love you,
Mali